Birthday Wish: written poem
you scream, i scream
anxiety bathes in my bloodstream
you want me to make a wish?
alright, let’s make it quick
I have plans tonight
but before the knot slips and gets
too tight i’ll light the wick
and watch it burn like a death threat
waiting for dessert
but first
i’ll ask the second
hand to hold mine because time
is a weapon
telling ghost stories about how much i
have left before the stroke of my
last breath
it’s okay though
I can always blow
it out
and break
my own promise to myself
choose to overstay my welcome
either way you’re welcome
to stay
if the fire kisses the cake
i’ll be nice and leave you a piece
feel free to take
my slice and taste
the brûlée
the birthday fake
always takes the cake
go ahead and add another candle
but I don’t think I can handle
to hear the same song
on repeat for this long
do we really have to pretend
and sing it again
this year?
the melody drives me insane
an anthem
of attention with the intention
of inserting my name
when I know
today’s a day you’re forced to celebrate
I know
the calendar collaborates with envelopes
full of debris
full of obligatory
wishes wishing for me to be happy
but it’s my party you can lie if you want to
you always do
but i’m not pointing at you
trust me
but not in the way I trust you
I don’t trust you
I just heard somewhere that i’m supposed to
but I blame
myself for everything
this flame
is falling quickly I hope the candle
isn’t tricky like a treat
that binds me
to my threat i’m only venting
preventing cancer like a filter
on a cigarette
the present
burden burns bright
with red and blue party lights
that RSVPd without an invite
but the alarm inside my mind
always ruins the surprise
with urgency
flashes illuminate the sky
to communicate an emergency
sirens wail and speed down busy streets
screaming and crying
stopping traffic trying to beat
the heart that doesn’t really want to stop
beating before it stops
beating
with no accusations of conceit
no ignoring symptoms
they just listen
for a pulse
they listen
when I speak
racing the clock or in this case
a candle
I don’t know why it’s so hard
for some to see that some tend to feel like
they either have to pretend to be happy
or make themselves bleed
as unheard pain seeps through their sleeves
broken hearts know how to scream
for hours through floorboards pleading
before the arrival of stretchers and sheets
but it gives you something to see
since words alone you won’t believe
then here
since you don’t hear me
see
meet me at the scene
the scene where i
will be committed like a crime
but at least
you might finally find proof
that I wasn’t lying about the hurt
imprisoned in my mind
as it bares itself and gets burnt
like a witch for indecent
exposure outside the safety of my
tear soaked blanket
a tent I pitched
searching for closure in a foreclosed home
my body has fallen flat like a line
do you feel me yet?
or am I still alone?
the greatest gift
is that I survived the attempt
and this party isn’t dead
it’s just a story running laps
inside my head
this year i’m shedding tears
but not enough to drown
this year i’m hearing cheers
but they don’t bend my smile into a frown
this year i’m somehow
happy i’m still here to feel the ache
and light another candle on my cake
I thank
the One who gives me breath to breathe
and strength to be
this year
I want to share my birthday with you
the ones who wish to
be okay
resist draining the pain
from your wrist
exist
we can bake a new a cake
just trade in the bloodstain
for another breath
and use it to make
a birthday wish