Untouched : written poem
it happens so fast
when your screen flashes back to the scene of harassment
you never thought their fingerprints would leave such a scar
no chance to consent for an imprint on your heart
in the shape of assault
you regret every move you made
you thought you could trust
maybe being so nice was the thing you did so wrong
no
that’s the shame
it wasn’t your fault
though some might say
“well why didn’t you just make them stop?”
they don’t understand the demand
of the cement block the weight that gets dropped
on you as it ties itself around your mind
responding in time isn’t so easy
when you’re sinking
drowning in the depth of emotional shock
I mean I guess you could try
to be polite as you resist
submit a request
a cease and desist
what is the line again?
how is this supposed to go?
no means no, no means no
no means no
but what happens when
they’re deaf to your cry
they don’t care about your no
they don’t care
if you decline because it wasn’t an offer
what do you do when they’re stronger than you
and the glare in their eye is no misprint
it threatens the night
if you dare try to move
the punishment won’t be light
so you look at the ground
don’t make a sound
it’s here, in fear you realize
if you try to fight you might not make it
to see the sunrise
I remember
on the school bus
lust reached from behind the seat
and grabbed me where I
didn’t want to be touched
I remember
at the pool
the water was a tool
a visual deterrent to blur
the occurrence underneath the current
splashing in slow motion
crashing emotions
feeling like trash hoping
the chlorine was strong enough
to burn my skin clean
I remember the day
a thought crossed my mind
without looking both ways
was this just normal?
it happens so often even though it hurts
was this just the formal
way to flirt?
what a hellish lie that tried
to twist and hide the truth
I know you’re probably sick
of spiritual platitudes
band aids with pictures of prayer hands
taped to open wounds
and I get it
i’m sick of it too
but don’t let your heart
be punctured or deflated
by culture or church related fraud
you really were created
in the image of God
rest in the truth that He makes
all things new
yes even you, rest
He knit you together
He will never condone abuse
rest
with repentance the person you love
that hurt you
can be forgiven
I know it’s tough
because in our pain we tend to resent them
but the gospel doesn’t forget them
the same God that heals the bodies of victims
can heal the hands that gripped them
He can restore every war
that was waged upon you
love doesn’t have to be distorted
it shouldn't
fight, flight, freeze, fawn, fondle or force you
but fear
fear is a violent fair weathered friend
endorsing silence when lament
should rage like a mosh pit
instead it enforces the cage
draws a line in the sand and warns you
not to cross it
there is no abstinence
no form of protection that can prevent
every portion of harassment
it’s abuse
and rape
it’s a touchy subject but thankfully
no attack will escape the gaze
of God’s justice and there’s peace
in trusting this
that He washes away filthy plans
with perfect security
recovering our purity with Holy hands
rinsing off their fingerprints
erasing the imprints
removing stains like a surgeon
revealing a field of virgin snow
healed
and peaceful like the sea
still
without a wave to show
elegance reflecting a scene
of the sapphire airbrush suspended above us
calm
evidence of being
untouched
by: Londyn Rayne
written for Sexual Assault Awareness Week at Lees-McRae College
“Untouched” is streaming on all music platforms